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Understanding Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control over another person. Abuse is never the survivor's fault.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is not limited to physical injury. Abuse can involve emotional, psychological, financial, sexual, digital, and other controlling behaviors.
Domestic violence can occur in marriages, dating relationships, former relationships, and other intimate partnerships.
Abuse is never the survivor's fault. Responsibility for abusive behavior belongs to the person choosing to use it.
Types of Domestic Violence
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse involves using physical force to hurt, frighten, intimidate, or control another person. Examples can include hitting, pushing, kicking, restraining, choking, strangulation, or using a weapon to threaten or harm someone.
Emotional and Psychological Abuse
This form of abuse may involve insults, humiliation, intimidation, manipulation, threats, isolation, or repeated behaviors that undermine another person's emotional well-being.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse includes unwanted sexual contact, sexual coercion, threats, pressure, or sexual activity without freely given consent.
Financial and Economic Abuse
Financial abuse occurs when someone uses money, employment, debt, financial information, or access to necessities to control another person. Examples may include preventing employment, withholding resources, taking wages, or creating debt without consent.
Digital and Technology-Facilitated Abuse
Examples include monitoring communications, accessing accounts without permission, tracking locations, distributing private information, and using technology to harass or intimidate.
Coercive Control
Coercive control involves repeated behaviors intended to restrict another person's independence and choices. These behaviors may involve intimidation, isolation, surveillance, threats, humiliation, and control over daily activities.
Stalking
Stalking can involve repeated unwanted contact, surveillance, following, threats, or other conduct that causes fear or substantial emotional distress.
Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
Not every abusive relationship looks the same. Abuse may begin gradually and become more severe over time. Warning signs may include:
- Extreme jealousy or possessiveness
- Isolation from friends and family
- Constant monitoring or demands for passwords
- Threats or intimidation
- Controlling clothing, movements, relationships, or finances
- Humiliation, insults, and repeated criticism
- Threatening children, family members, or pets
- Pressuring someone into sexual activity
- Blaming the victim for abusive conduct
- Escalating aggression or physical violence
The Power and Control Wheel
The Power and Control Wheel is an educational tool used to explain how different abusive behaviors can work together to maintain control within a relationship. It highlights behaviors such as intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation, economic abuse, coercion, threats, and the misuse of children or relationships.
Understand Power & ControlThe Cycle of Abuse
Some abusive relationships involve repeating periods of tension, harmful incidents, reconciliation, and relative calm.
However, abuse does not always follow a predictable cycle. Some abusive partners use continuous control, and some never apologize or offer reconciliation.
The absence of a recognizable cycle does not mean that abuse is not occurring.
Why Do Survivors Stay or Return?
Leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated and dangerous. Factors may include:
- Fear of retaliation
- Threats toward children or loved ones
- Financial dependence
- Lack of housing or transportation
- Emotional attachment
- Shared parenting responsibilities
- Isolation from support systems
- Religious or cultural pressures
- Immigration concerns
- Fear of not being believed
- Hope that the abusive behavior will change
A survivor may leave and return multiple times. Rather than asking, "Why didn't they leave?" a more supportive question is, "What barriers are affecting their safety and options?"